Another Tuesday morning, another chance to go to Bible study.
On Sunday we went to Tulare Community Church (the church where Adam's parents have long attended and where the Bible study is held). Charlotte became hysterical when I attempted to leave her in the nursery. Knowing from the previous Tuesday experience that she wasn't likely to calm down and that we would just be paged in a manner of minutes, I decided to stay with her and help her feel comfortable. I hoped that this strategy would pay off with an easier leave-taking on subsequent Sundays and Tuesdays.
Charlotte and I talked during the week about how she would go to her class and play with the kids, and Mama would go to the grownup class. She sounded excited. She likes the idea of it at least.
In reality, I could sense her tensing up with apprehension as soon as we approached the building.
I patiently talked with her, and she walked toward the little dutch door separating the kids from the exit of her own accord. I watched her play for a bit, then snuck out.
Less than 20 minutes later the pager went off. So, I think she lasted a little longer this time. I was a little disturbed to see that no one was comforting her. I think we may have been spoiled by the small size of our last church -- there were two workers for only a handful of kids, and if one was upset, that one would be held and cuddled until they calmed down. Here there were only two workers for more than twice as many kids, and their arms were busy tending the small babies while the toddlers were pretty much on their own.
So Charlotte went back with me to class to learn about 1 & 2 Peter. First she nursed to calm down. Then she scribbled in the lesson book. Then she ate the Cheerios snack she had been given in the nursery. Once those entertainment options were exhausted, she became antsy and wanted to climb down and explore.
The class was big but the classroom was small. There really wasn't any room for her to roam without disturbing everyone. I told her she had to sit quietly if she wanted to stay with Mama, to which she responded, "Back kids."
I was getting worried that she would be disruptive, but I also didn't want to distract everyone by getting up and squeezing past the other ladies in the full room. I eventually decided the latter was the lesser of two evils.
So we got up and squeezed past everyone, making a small scene. But when we got there it was clear from her clinging grip on my clothes that she wouldn't be staying.
We returned to the multipurpose building where the study was held and tried to listen in from the hallway so we wouldn't be any more of a disruption.
I was feeling really frustrated. I want to have grown up time to learn about God and get to know the ladies of the church. To be honest, I wanted that hour break to focus my mind on something else than caring for Charlotte.
The Bible study discussion facilitators both said kind words about how "good" Charlotte had been and that she will be welcome to join us any time she needs to. They are moms and understand how it is with a little one going through this type of phase.
I think next week I'll sit closer to the door, and come with a bigger bag of tricks to keep my little student busy and quiet for the full hour.
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